The Difference Between Habits, Behaviors, Emotional Intelligence, and Soft Skills
Words like “habits,” “behaviors,” and terms like “emotional intelligence,” and “soft skills” get thrown around a lot. We’re creatures of “habit”, and our “behaviors” speak to our values. You’ve heard your friend play armchair psychologist when talking about the person they’re dating as being “emotionally intelligent”. Just last week you heard your boss talk about a new client with excellent “soft skills”.
What do all these terms really mean? More importantly, how do they impact our lives?
Just last month a woman posted this on LinkedIn,
"In July 2019 I was part of the massive Uber layoff. My entire team and I were told to join a last minute meeting. It lasted about 30 seconds and essentially all that was said was ‘If you’re on this call it means today is your last day working for Uber.’ It was the most gut wrenching feeling that I’ll never forget."
- Katie Miller
The world has changed and there is a bar for how people deserve to be treated. But it isn’t easy to just lick it off the grass. Soft skills, behaviors, habits, and emotional intelligence can be taught.
More often than not, all it takes is just a few small tweaks.
What’s the Difference Between Habits and Behaviors?
Habits are behaviors we repeat throughout our lives and usually on a daily basis. Some habits may be small like brushing your teeth in the morning or turning on the coffee pot. While other habits are larger and more impactful like working out every morning, smoking, or visiting your family during the holidays.
The word “habit” comes from the Latin word “habitus,” which means “condition” or “appearance.” Originally, the word referred to how someone dressed, but like many words, the definition changed over time to include the behaviors that they wore.
Today we think of habits as those behaviors we engage in so frequently that they become instinctive.
Having good habits can make a huge difference in your life. The right habits can help you maintain order, health, and sanity. They can also help move you towards your goals, whether those are work-related, financial, relationship-oriented, or personal.
But how do you go about building those patterns in your life?
First you’ve got to start small. Focus on one thing at a time. Instead of trying to improve your diet, adopt an exercise routine, spend more time with your family, meditate every day, and be more productive at work, all at once - pick just one of those things to focus on each day.
Focus on setting goals for yourself when you’re trying to change your habits. These goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely. Stick to these rules in your goal setting to make it easier for you to actually build realistic, lasting habits. Finally, the best part about habits is that once they’re established, they become second nature and they’ll be engrained in your subconscious.
Now what about behaviors? The dictionary defines behaviors as, “the way a person or animal acts or behaves” or “the way something moves, functions, or reacts.”
Behaviors, on the other hand, are the building blocks that make up your habits and lifestyle. They can occur once, or they can be repeatable. In fact, habits are just repeated behaviors.
The word “behavior” appeared in later middle English, around the late 1400s, from the word “have.” Your behaviors might include shampooing your hair in the shower, checking your email at work, or cooking dinner for your family. Our behaviors are the actions we take throughout the day.
What’s the best part of good behaviors? They lead to good habits. Getting up in the morning and drinking a glass of water is a good behavior. But if you repeat this behavior every day, it will become a habit that moves you closer to living a healthier lifestyle.
Setting up some sort tracking system or series of reminders to practice your good behavior can be immensely helpful. If you want to take a walk before lunch or meditate before you go to bed, it can be helpful to set an alarm as a reminder. Then, when you do engage in positive behavior, take a quick moment to celebrate, dance to a song you like, or even put a gold star in a journal. The action will reinforce the behavior.
Again, it’s the little things.
What’s the Difference Between Emotional Intelligence and Soft Skills?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate your emotions. The term “emotional intelligence” was originally coined in 1990 by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer. Today, we recognize it as a skill that is important for all adults, especially people working in professional settings, to master. It’s not uncommon to hear the words “emotional intelligence” and “soft skills” interchangeably.
Emotional intelligence can have benefits in a number of areas of your life. In your personal life, emotional intelligence can help you to better understand your loved ones and to communicate your needs. When issues come up, a high level of emotional intelligence will allow you to evaluate how you feel and empathize with the person on the other side.
At work, emotional intelligence can help you to better manage your work-life balance and make it easier to cooperate with your coworkers. You can take criticism without viewing it as a personal insult and adjust your behavior to improve your performance. If you’re in a leadership role, you’ll be better able to communicate with and motivate the people on your team.
Developing emotional intelligence can be a long and arduous process. When you find yourself getting upset about something, take a moment to sit back and evaluate what you’re feeling. First try to put a name to the emotion. Then dig a little deeper to figure out the specific reason you’re upset.
It’s also a good idea to practice active listening when you’re trying to improve your emotional intelligence. A big part of emotional intelligence is understanding how others are feeling. Listening more effectively will help you better understand others and respond appropriately.
Soft skills, on the other hand, are a set of personal qualities that you need in order to succeed at a job. These skills aren’t something that could be found on a resume, such as a trade certification or training in the Microsoft Office suite of tools. Rather, they’re the more nebulous qualities that allow you to succeed and grow in a professional environment.
The term “soft skills” actually has its roots in the military; the Army began researching how to make their leaders more effective through soft skills training in the late 1960s. Soft skills can include creative problem-solving, conflict resolution, time management, teamwork, and networking. They can also include emotional intelligence, good habits, and good behaviors.
While better soft skills may not give you the day-to-day tools you need to complete specific tasks, they will improve your overall performance as an employee and a manager. Soft skills can make it easier for you to collaborate with others and to solve problems that come up in the workplace. They can even help you find innovative new ways to improve your company and your job.
Soft skills can help you climb up the career ladder too. As you get into management positions, employing the right soft skills to the right circumstances will make you a better leader, better communicator, and help to motivate your team. They can even help you to negotiate with your managers for better pay, more promotions, and other such benefits.
If you want to improve your soft skills, there are a few ways to go about doing it. A Habitly subscription is a great place to start.
The Best Companies Rank High in All Four
In 2017 Deloitte published a report highlighting a changing work landscape, claiming, "soft skill-intensive occupations will account for two-thirds of all jobs by 2030."
Your habits are your most consistent behavior patterns and are influenced by your emotional intelligence. Which means that all three (habits, behaviors, emotional intelligence) fall under the category of soft skills and they have a tremendous impact on performance, quality, results, and the customer experience. In a consistently advancing world of automation, soft skills are more important than ever.
Sally Gronow, Head of customer service at the Welsh Center, put it most succinctly when she said:
"Good customer service costs less than bad customer service."
This is the end result of good soft skills vs. bad soft skills. The world is moving fast, but if we can take a second and slow to down to understand how to improve our own habits, listen to customers and our own employees and take to time to really focus on developing good soft skills, we can change that future for the better.
If you’d like to start developing better habits and soft skills at your company, we’re here to help. Sign up today and start exploring our fun, engaging, three-to five-minute animated stories, in-depth courses, and Habit Builders.
